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[Nov 20th, 2009 / 11:59pm] i'm not sure how to react to this just yet. in other news -i went to the midnight showing of new moon last night with some goons. judge me all you want but it was fckin awesome. it was much better than i'd anticipated, much better than the book, and soo much better than the first movie. this may or may not have to do with the fact that taylor lautner is half naked more times than not. mmm. -i love my friends / singing 'i believe in a thing called love' at the top of our lungs, sucking in helium, "do you guys have a lot of used games?" "yeah ... and we don't have battletoads." -my ears are now at a size 10..i wish i had ( these ) also, my father called me the other day which i thought was odd, because we had just talked a few weeks ago.. he told me that my grandmother got her mammogram done the other day, and they found a spot on her breast. she was supposedly getting an MRI done yesterday to find out how big it is, but my dad never called me to tell me what was going on. it is definitely breast cancer though. he was crying and i just didn't know what to say. it hasn't really hit me, i don't think. i hate that i can't be there. i need to go to bed. i have work at 8 tomorrow. then i'm seeing cheryl <3. then it's party time. see yah. 0 read cmnt

[Nov 15th, 2009 / 2:28pm] i was in such a good mood earlier, i don't know how to explain it, but it's when i am just really, actually happy. and now i'm just back to being blahh and lazy and just ... yeah. i was going to clean out / wash my car (and when i say 'my' i mean 'my,' no matter what my mom likes to believe), and make lunch, but then i'm like nooope, i don't want to anymore. i don't understand how my mood can fluctuate so quickly, i mean nothing even happened. i want to be like that always..i feel like i am finally being myself and happy and like i can do anything i want. i asked my mom about getting a tattoo..just to see what she would say. i don't have one in mind that i want, but i asked if she would let me get one before i'm 18 even though i'll be turning 18 in a few months. she said it depends on what i wanted and that if she said no it'd be kind of hypocritical because she has two. hmph, this is cool i guess. i won't tell her about stretching my ears, i'll just let her find out on her own. that is if i end up doing that. the weather is so incredible lately. me and em were walking around this morning with no coats on, just t-shirts, and it felt so nice. i mean, usually by this time we have snow. it's nice to be able drive with the windows down and such. le sigh. i need to-need to-need to change my room around. i keep saying this but i don't do it. 0 read cmnt

[Nov 15th, 2009 / 12:57pm] LAST NIGHT WAS SO FCKIN FUNNY. "1, 2, 3, putcha heads up!" for the record - emmy and i are badasses<3 0 read cmnt

[Nov 14th, 2009 / 8:00pm] today was so good<3 aside from getting up early for work but whatever, it's over now. i went christmas shopping (sort of)..i knew a couple of things that i wanted to get so i went and got them before i spent all my money on me. i got part of cheryl's present and something for kelsey. (i want to get you more stuff kels, but idk how much i can mail!) it's so awesome to finally have a ton of money and just spend whatever and not have to worry about it. my next paycheck is going to be like $250(!!), even though that's for two weeks but whatever. cher and i went out to the bluffs today too. it wasn't windy so it was just PERFECT, i wasn't freezing like i always am when we go there. we just sat out there for maybe two hours with some grape cheyennes and just chilled outttt. we have some good pictures that i'll post at some point<3 right now i'm gonna shower and go back into fulton to have good times with emmy<3 life is good right now. 1 read cmnt

[Nov 11th, 2009 / 11:58pm] i just went through one of my (paper) journals and read things that i wrote a year ago. i keep trying to type what i want to say but nothing really comes out that makes any sense. i keep all my ticket stubs, and it is almost a year ago from the night that we went to wendy's, and then went to the movies on back roads. and i just laid in the back of zach's car with his furry little hat on, and we blared space cowboy and i just had to smile. i remember the clouds were crazy that night and then they put on samson and started singing and i'm back there thinking I LOVE MY BEST FRIENDS<3. i remember the movie ended up sucking but i didn't care. i miss my friends so much. i hate when everything changes. 0 read cmnt

[Nov 11th, 2009 / 2:48pm] it is my best friend's birthday and i can't even say happy birthday to him. :( well, he was my best friend..he's different now, and maybe i am too but it just breaks my heart that i'll never get that friendship back. i'll admit, a part of it is my fault, but there's nothing i can do now. i miss the summer, 4 or 5 years ago?, when he would just show up at my house unexpectedly, and leave his bike by the road, and we would just lay around in my bedroom and talk for forever, or walk all over town..go swimming at his house..play ping pong in his basement. or the summer when he would call me every night to talk when he was so sad, and he would say the same thing every night, and i tried so hard to make sure he would be okay. and two summers ago when we walked to the highschool, and sat there watching the clouds, eating teddy grahams, then walked all the way out to zach's house and back. and we all went to stay at mack's house to watch the meteor shower. and this past summer when he came to get me, and we just stood in my doorway and he picked me up and hugged me, and he said my heart was beating really fast. and we went to the store so he could buy things before he left for a few weeks, and then just sat in my driveway and talked until he had to go. shit. that was just a bunch of rambling. the problem is i just shake it off and pretend i don't care. that's what i do- i pretend i don't care, and then i start to believe it. but like i said, there's nothing i can do now, it's not up to me anymore. unfortunately, i can say 'it's not up to me anymore' about more than just this. c'est la vie. i could call him but i just don't see the point. so, happy birthday<3 0 read cmnt

no one will like this entry besides us<3 and probably kelsey [Nov 10th, 2009 / 10:25pm] i just need to remember this conversation. because this is the cheryl that i miss <3         ( _________ ) 3 read cmnt

[Nov 8th, 2009 / 10:43pm] sometimes i think it's crazy how intense your emotions can be in dreams, which reminds me of the science of sleep when he says, 'in dreams emotions can be overwhelming.' also, i think it's funny how much i act like myself when i dream. i don't know if that makes sense to anybody else. like, i think the same things i do in real life. it's hard to explain without giving examples, but i'll keep those to myself. 0 read cmnt

[Nov 4th, 2009 / 10:25pm] i just remembered this dream from like last week and i wanted to write it down just so i could remember it. i'm too lazy to write them down on paper now. i was at school or something and i went in the gym and there was this huge rock wall to go rock climbing. so i started climbing it and finally got to the top when i realized i didn't have a harness thing on. at this point i was on a wall outside and i was waaay up in the sky. there was only a little ledge at the top so i was like straddling that and freaking out. phil was suddenly there? and he fell but he had a harness on so he was just like free falling, but holding on to some handle thing? idk. so i'm just sitting up there like, how am i going to get down?! finally some lady was there, and she was going to get me help, and she got the guy who owned it to go up there and help me down. he was like swinging over to me from some ledge and so he grabbed me and was taking me down but then he dropped me, and i fell a long way, but then we were in the gym again so i was fine. i don't know, i just don't like forgetting any dreams i have. 0 read cmnt

[Nov 2nd, 2009 / 10:07pm] we're playing this in orchestra, and it is just so pretty and sad. miss santy said she's sitting me first chair and i get to play the solo :3. its the part from the beginning up until 1:35. lalala. 8 read cmnt

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